Saturday, March 24, 2012

Social Stigma: Sun, sea, and contraband | Video Games, Reviews ...

The job of a video game protagonist is a treacherous road filled with enemies, respawns, and idiotic teammates whose sole purpose is to spout witty one-liners or get themselves captured. Your protagonist works hard, and no matter what kind of mess they find themselves in, they always seem to come out the other end in one piece just as the end credits roll.

So after the dust has settled and all that remains of the terrible ?insert enemy here? is a lump of smouldering charcoal, where do they venture when they just want a little R?n'R? Do they want to sit wistfully on the deck of their beach house reflecting on the time when they blew that one bosses brain matter into a fine mist, or do they drink themselves into oblivion? No really knows, and as far as ?we? the audience is concerned, the protagonist spends eternity in a freeze frame with their fist punching the air. Well I demand some closure, and I?ll only be happy when I see them on a beach somewhere sipping cocktails in their skin-tight swimsuit.

**Spoiler Alert** Fans of Modern Warfare 3 should beware the spoiler?concerning?Captain Price and the game.

Scenario

A game?s protagonist goes on a much-deserved holiday but never seems to escape the drama.

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Dovahkiin

WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME!?

After perilous adventures in half-submerged caves, dragon slaying, and conversing with bearded octogenarians, the Dragon Born takes a well-deserved vacation to the verdant land of Cyrodiil. After securing safe passage on one of the trade ships, Dovahkiin decides to engage in some ninroot hunting around the expansive continent. Unfortunately, he doesn?t have much luck, and spends a disappointing evening in the King and Queen Tavern located in the Imperial City?s Elven Gardens District.

After drinking a little too much skooma, he drunkenly attempts to play the lock-pickings mini game on the tavern?s drink cabinet. The tavern owner alerts the Imperial Guard and Dovahkiin ends up vomiting on Hieronymus Lex during a botched attempt at speechcraft. A few seconds later, all of the available Imperial Guards swarm the building forcing Dovahkiin to utilise his Dragon Shout and catapult them through the wall.

The Dragon Born spends the majority of his holiday in a cell, and by the time he?s released he has a full-blown skooma addiction and spends the rest of his days screaming incoherently at mudcrabs on the city?s shores.

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Sgt. Price

SOOAAP!!!

Last time we saw Price he was lighting up a stogie after finally dealing with that pesky Makarov/nuke situation. The British government decide to send Price on a much-needed holiday paid for by their ?ultimate-badass holiday initiative omega.? Price packs his suitcase with cigars, whiskey, and enough flowery Hawaiian shirts to induce a seizure and heads to a secret island for people with a PHD in Badassery.

However, Price is still weighed down by the untimely death of brother-in-arms and famed bathroom utensil: Soap and downs a metric ton of whiskey on the plane ride over. Arriving in a drunken haze at his swanky chalet, Price mistakes a propped up broom on the balcony for recently deceased Soap, and goes careening off the edge. He is given a military funeral.

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Solid Snake

Metal Gear... definitely Metal Gear

Snake?s not had the easiest of lives, and when the dust had settled in the Metal Gear landscape, Otacon decided to fuel up the jet and take him to Las Vegas. Snake throws on his tuxedo and Otacon decides to play the part of gambling savant ala Dustin Hoffman?s character from Rain Man. The two end up clearing the out the blackjack table, but the casino catches up to their cheating tactics and sends out the authorities. While Otacon wets himself and cries about all the women who?ve died, Snake uses his CQC on the unsuspecting dealer. The two of them make a break for it, and Snake procures his famous cardboard box as Otacon starts up the jet and yells at Sunny to stop screwing around frying eggs.

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Agent 47

Welcome to flavour country

Having returned from strangling the president of some unknown country with a shower curtain, Agent 47 decides to go on wine tasting holiday around the vineyards of France. While engaging in some grape crushing activity in a giant barrel with an old woman, a farmhand leaps into the container and attempts to kill 47 with a wine stirring paddle. 47 ducks the assassin?s swing and smacks the old women right in the face, knocking out her dentures and launching her a good 10 feet into a stack of grapes. 47 retaliates by drowning the assassin in the grapey mush.

His troubles don?t end there, and 47 is hounded through the winery by a maniac on a tractor. Using his wits, he changes into one of the assassin?s overalls and straw hat, seamlessly blending in with the attackers even though he has the complexion of a man who has lived in a cave all his life. 47 is victorious and spends the night drinking a pinot noir out of a bucket.

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Conclusion

The problems that protagonists in a lot of video games face, is that the whole world appears to revolve around them, and everywhere they go, and everything they do is always tinged with drama. Action seems to have their scent and refuses to allow them five minutes without an explosion or plot-twist. A game?s protagonist only truly gets to relax when the series had ended, or they find sweet relief in an unceremonious death scene. If a normal person ever encountered one on holiday, they should be wise enough to book a ticket on the next flight out of there. Happy trails.

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Source: http://www.gamingsurvival.com/2012/03/22/social-stigma-sun-sea-and-contraband/

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